Anxiously saying hello

Well, I have just spent an anxious time making massive decisions about my template layout, font, colours, etc etc. All incredibly important and of course something that any reader will oooohh and aaaahh over for at least 2 seconds. I have zero expectation for my blog...it is for me alone. It is my journal, my musings, my random thoughts (and as you get to know me you will realise how random those thoughts are).

Actually that is total rubbish...I have high expectations and I hope to become at least as famous as Julie Powell and have a wonderful film made of my life staring probably not Meryl Streep because by the time I am famous she will be too old to play the gorgeous me!

Thinking about this and what I want to do is a just like a big tangled up ball of wool in my head. I am feeling very positive today which in itself is very random (a word I have to use alot as it is one of my teens favourite words right now and will 'speak' to the younger generations)...(by the way I'm 42). My days of feeling positive are usually restricted to days 1 to 21. Hopefully women everywhere will go "Ah yes I know what she means". So it is not day 1,2,3......21 and I AM feeling positive. For the past 42 years positive days have been something of a difficult thing to pin down. Axiety has been a major feature and depression has reared its very ugly and destructive head quite a few times.

BUT...I write this blog for me and for anyone who cares to glimps some of my ideas and hopes. And I can say catagorically that HOPE is a biggy in my life now. Depression and hope dont usually go hand in hand but there is a way up and out. Whilst searching for answers and trying in vain to reduce anxiety and depression in my life I discovered that web resources on the whole where pretty useless...I got especially fed up with hearing that antidepresents didnt work or were a waste of time. And I got more depressed than ever feeling that there was no way to get help that would be sustainable. I know that when your depressed you feel that there is no way out. Well I found a way...or ways actually. I'm going to go back in time and rehash some of my journal entries from that past 18 months...its therapy and thats cool. I hope it will be help for at least one person out there who is suffering from that debilitating disease.